Not Keeping Up

or failing to finish

When it comes to writing these weekly musings I usually have plenty of ideas and my problem is what to leave out for another time, but this week inspiration was refusing to strike. Although I have a long list of potential subjects none felt right for this particular occasion. I thought that maybe something with a springtime, Easter vibe was called for, but my mind was blank. Blank that is except for thoughts of what would I do if I couldn’t think of anything to write about and if I didn’t write this week, what would happen next week. Maybe I would never write again!

Now let’s face it, were that to happen then it wouldn’t exactly be a catastrophe and in all likelihood hardly anyone would even notice. I do occasionally receive very lovely emails from readers who say they enjoy what I write, and they look forward to seeing what pops into their inbox on a Sunday morning, but I don’t think it would ruin their day if it didn’t happen. Even though it makes my day when I get feedback like that!

Then one afternoon this week while I was digging over on the allotment, I was listening to the latest Art Juice Podcast which was called ‘Are you keeping up?’ and it struck a chord. The subject had been prompted by a comment from a previous guest about not keeping up with the 100 day project. I’m sure you can guess where I am going here… No, I have not been keeping up with the 100 day project either. In fact, I have stopped completely.

Now I could see this as a failure on my part, and even thinking of it as not keeping up isn’t very helpful, but maybe in this situation we need to reframe how we look at what we are committing to, as well as paying attention to the language we use. I’m sure I am not alone when I admit to starting a course or maybe some work or a project that just never gets finished. But is this failure? In each situation we need to ask ourselves some honest questions about why we have committed to these self-imposed projects and deadlines, why we haven’t kept up or finished and whether it actually matters if we finish them or not. I know I started the 100 day project with great enthusiasm, even writing about it here. I was buoyed up by the success of the project for me last year which culminated in my exhibition. I knew there were several aspects on making portraits that I wanted to explore further (and I will) and so the 100 day project seemed a good place to start. But it turned out that it wasn’t. After an intense few months before and after Christmas where I was painting every day, I needed a break. I did not need to be starting something new. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to work in my sketchbook every day and it felt like a chore. It wasn’t serving me. I half heartedly reframed it as doing something creative every day but in terms of working in a sketchbook even that wasn’t working. Although I’m quite happy to own knitting, gardening, baking, and occasional painting, as daily creative pursuits I wasn’t really doing any of these things as the 100 day project. So, I haven’t ‘failed’ to keep up, I have stopped because I didn’t want to do it any longer. I would go so far as to say it was making me feel miserable even thinking about keeping up not to mention the constant recording of these daily achievements on Instagram. I’m not making excuses about not having enough time because we can make time for the things we really want to do. And that is the crux of the matter because if we are choosing to do something in our leisure time we need to be sure it is what we want to do.

Right now, I want to be outside working on my allotment while the rain stays away. And when I’m too tired to carry on working outside I want to read a book or watch TV and knit. I want to say yes when a friend phones and asks me out for coffee or lunch. I want to bake cakes, see my family and get excited about an Easter egg hunt for the grandchildren. Maybe next week I will feel like working in my sketchbook, maybe not, but it is not failing to keep up, it is choosing to do something else.

With the 100 day project and the idea of showing up on Instagram to share ones progress there is a constant artificial pressure to keep up. But ultimately it’s a deadline we impose on ourselves, so if it isn’t working we can stop and no one else cares. I can honestly say I haven’t noticed one way or another what anyone else is doing for the project. If it’s working for them then that’s great but if it’s not it doesn’t matter.

And of course, the same goes for this newsletter. When I started it, I said I wanted to release a new post at the same time every Sunday because I knew if I committed to this (by saying it out loud to you all) it would make me keep writing. And I enjoy writing. But ultimately it is a self-imposed deadline. I’m not being paid to write it and no one would care if it was a day or two late, or if I missed a week, because it’s really not that important. Possibly no one would even notice if I never wrote it again. But I care and I want to write something every week so that’s why I do it. I don’t want to fail to keep up, so it is important to me to make the time to do it. But it is also important to understand and recognise why we don’t continue doing something, because maybe we never really wanted to do it in the first place. Or maybe the time has come when it’s no longer a good fit for us. We need to stop beating ourselves up about not keeping up.

So in the past week I haven’t done any painting or drawing, but I have baked a pie using allotment produce, I’ve done lots of digging, planting and sewing of seeds whilst listening to podcasts, I talked to the local WI about making portraits, I’ve had lots of lovely dog walks, met up with friends, made a spring wreath for the front door, had a very special but top secret day out in London which was brilliant and lots of fun (don’t ask… all will be revealed in due course), and I have done a fair bit of baking with chocolate which has felt like a busy creative week to me. Maybe next week I’ll paint, but for now I’m just enjoying the holiday weekend. And should you need a recipe for left over chocolate and eggs (as if!) this is my go to recipe for Brownies that is really simple and never fails… not only for Easter I might add. They are great for birthdays, bringing as gifts or just because you want to treat yourself. And let’s face it, treating ourselves is much better than telling ourselves we are failing or not keeping up

Ultimate Chocolate Brownies (makes 12-16 depending how big you like your Brownies)

·      200g unsalted butter

·      200 good quality dark chocolate, chopped

·      3 eggs

·      1 teaspoon vanilla extract

·      250g caster sugar

·      115g plain flour, sifted (GF flour works well in this recipe too)

·      100g (approx.) of Cadburys mini eggs. Crumbled crunchies, white chocolate chips, chopped up Toblerone, Oreo cookies…  all work equally well and I encourage you to experiment with your favourites, although they are all optional.

Preheat the oven to 180 deg C (160 fan, gas no. 4) and line a 25 x 20 cm pan (or 23 cm square) with baking parchment. Gently melt the chocolate and butter together in a saucepan over a low heat until just liquid and allow to cool a little. Meanwhile whisk together the sugar, eggs and vanilla until they are light and fluffy. When the chocolate has cooled, whisk in the egg mixture and then gently fold in all the flour with a spoon. If you are adding chopped chocolate chips or other chocolates or additions, stir them in now or wait and scatter them on the top. Pour the mixture into the prepared pan and if using chocolate mini eggs, chop and scatter or place them whole on the surface… or both. Bake for 25-30 minutes but no longer. The top should look dry, but the centre needs to be fudge like. Dry brownies are not good! Leave to cool completely in the pan before turning out and cutting into squares. I’ll let you choose how many!