Sharing the Load

... and dropping the perfect

I was reading an article in the Financial Times magazine last weekend… which feels a little like name dropping as in ‘Look at the intellectual stuff I read’. But I’ll let you into a secret. I don’t read any intellectual stuff and usually head straight for the puzzles and food section. However, I do tend to glance at Tim Harford’s weekly column, as the economist and journalist has a great way of explaining sometimes difficult ideas and I like to think it’s a nod back to my mathematical background, which was a very brief period of my life I might add. Last week he wrote that after twenty years of writing about the economics of Christmas he had only just noticed the connection between Christmas gifts and women, based on a 1990 study of 300 people about their Christmas gift giving behaviour. Apparently many men interviewed refused to answer suggesting their wives were consulted instead but overall the results suggested women shopped earlier, bought more gifts, took more care choosing and then wrapped more presents.

Obviously there are problems with this in that the study is thirty five years old and it is a very small sample size, so understandably we should question the results. Surely these are outdated attitudes to sharing the workload, or are they? In a book released in 2023 “The Psychology of Gift Giving”, Bernd Stauss argues that despite huge advances in sharing the workload around parenting and housework, gender roles remain especially stubborn when it comes to Christmas. The majority of gifts, social visits, food ordering, card writing etc is still organised by women. I doubt that is news to the women reading this and it doesn’t really require a study or a book to tell us, but I thought I would share that bit of information with you, mostly because I’m so busy organising stuff for Christmas that I don’t really have much else to write about this week.

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I have taken part in the Church Christmas Fair this weekend, something I have done every year for at least the past ten years, probably more. I don’t do many craft fairs but this one is a friendly event, and the church is literally over the road so it’s not too much effort. I do question my sanity at times though when I know I have spent several hours sewing or making something only to sell it for a few pounds that will barely cover the cost of my materials and amount to little more than pocket money. In fact by the time I have bought some raffle tickets, collected my panettone and entered the W.I. tombola I’m most likely looking at a loss but it’s all for a good cause. It’s a vicious circle as there’s always enough stuff left over each year that I need to do another fair to try to sell remaining stock. Yet I always need to make more to top things up and give everything a bit of a refresh. And so it goes on year after year. At least this year I made things that that would be potential gifts for the grandchildren if they didn’t sell. I could probably write an entire article about craft fairs and the perils of selling hand made items… if I wasn’t still adding finishing touches to a crochet octopus.

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Talking of grandchildren I have made a start on their letters from Father Christmas, a tradition I started about five years ago, inspired by the book ‘Letters from Father Christmas’ by J.R.R Tolkien. I have been saying for the past month that I needed to make a start on them, but I didn’t and of course it now feels like a desperate rush to get them done and in the post. But as it has been pointed out to me it is a rod for my own back that is entirely of my own making, not helped by the fact that I decided to add some origami stars in the letters too. But I know they love receiving them and if I am creating a little bit of magic to add to their Christmas memories then it is entirely worth the effort.

I know that the almost nine year old is already very sceptical about the existence of Father Christmas and I am the number one suspect as the author of the letters as apparently Father Christmas’s handwriting is remarkably similar to mine. There was also some question as to why Father Christmas buys his envelopes from Tesco, but I think I might have fobbed him off with the answer that he obviously ran out last year and had to nip out to the North Pole branch of Tesco Express. And although I have sourced anonymous envelopes this year the boy is definitely on to me!

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This week as I listened to Women’s Hour on the radio whilst driving home I heard the term Scruffy Hosting. Although it didn’t sound very appealing, and it was a new idea to me, apparently it has been trending for a while and has become a hot topic this festive season. It’s not quite as scruffy as it sounds, and it doesn’t mean entertaining your friends whilst still in your dog walking or gardening gear (although I guess it could) but it’s about letting go of perfection to make guests feel more comfortable when you entertain. It’s less about turning out stylish tablescapes and cooking lavish menus but more about making your friends and family feel at home and relaxed with a warm and welcoming environment, not a perfect one. And this couldn’t be more important than at this time of year when we are bombarded with adverts and magazines promising the perfect decorations, food, presents etc guaranteed to give us a perfect Christmas, all of which is all a load of nonsense destined to make us feel like failures if we don’t do it all.

Your home doesn’t have to be spotless, it doesn’t matter if there’s a laundry basket in a corner, a pile of books on the coffee table or your knitting left on the armchair. What is important is that your guests feel comfortable. Serve food that is tried and tested and easy to prepare. There is nothing wrong with dishing up old family favourites and it’s definitely not the time to start trying out some recipe you have never made before. If it’s spaghetti Bolognese or jacket potatoes or maybe just platters of good cheese and bread, that is absolutely fine. Ask guests to help, maybe by pouring drinks, cutting up bread or stirring a sauce because people like to help, and it makes them feel more relaxed. It turns an evening with friends into less of a performance and more of a shared experience. Of course being more relaxed around entertaining doesn’t mean everything should be left until the last minute and the vibe should be laid back rather than completely messy. Open a bottle of wine, put snacks into a bowl, even if that only means emptying a packet of salt and vinegar crips, turn the lights down and light a few candles, and remember your house is a lived in home, not a perfectly staged feature in House and Gardens magazine. Just don’t forget to check that the bathroom is clean, and you’ve put out enough loo paper! And if your friends don’t like your new attitude to scruffy entertaining maybe it’s time to ditch those friends rather than the clutter.

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I actually quite enjoy all the Christmas planning and organising and usually have a fairly relaxed attitude to the stuff that doesn’t get done because sometimes it is about doing some of the things and letting the other stuff go. So today you’ll find me finishing off the letters to the grandchildren and not making a Christmas wreath for the front door as I originally planned. Instead I spent some more of my profit, and I bought one ready made at the Christmas Fair, beautiful and handmade although just not by me. I might if I feel like it make a Christmas pudding and I’m hoping to fit in some more time to knit because I’m so close to finishing my Christmas jumper. My sponsorship page is still open if you would like to support my knitting and donate to Cancer Research UK, which you can do by clicking the link below. Thank you.

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